April 30, 2012 - Albert Pujols
Oh, Albert Pujols. More like Albert Poo-hole amirite??! Last night was one of your more productive games of the year, 1 hit and a run in 4 at bats and only a single strike out. You even raised your average from .216 to .217. But it’s what you did not do that earns you our first ever Turd of the Month. You did not hit a single home run in April. Fantasy owners everywhere who drafted you 1, 2, or 3 or spent $40+ on you are scratching their heads and in most cases ripping their eyes out with a spoon. You are just awful.
In your last ten games you are 4/39 with 8 strike outs. Your average has dropped from .276 to .217. You had only a single extra base hit. You had ZERO RBIs. I repeat, ZERO RBIs.
At this moment in time, Chone Figgins… Chone Motherfucking Figgins… the man who told reporters after his first dinger weeks ago “Usually I try to hit one a year” has 2 home runs. Let’s just let that sink in for a bit. Chone Figgins has 2 times as many home runs as that giant sack of turd, Albert Pujols.